mini teenie quickie

There is a tradition in diving that for your 100th dive, you go naked. Well, I've known several people to hit their hundredth, but no one I know has actually pulled off the naked dive (often it's a silly costume or a wig or some such). Excuses usually run along the "There's customers on the boat" or "The water's cold." Bollocks, really. Obviously, I, being the tradition-follower I am, decided it was my responsibility to uphold this venerable practice and set a positive example for others. In consideration of the customers on board the boat that day, I unleashed my glory at depth (taking off my shorts with fins on was somewhat challenging), and regained my modesty before surfacing (putting on my shorts with fins on was extremely frickin challenging). The water was a bit chilly, but nothing unmanageable, and my dive buddy made some disparaging remarks about being blinded by my pale ass. Overall, a good time. Which may have to be repeated.

To mark the recent completion of all my pre-divemaster courses, I have once again gone platinum blond. Obviously, this has nothing to do with aesthetic appearance (yeah, right), but rather a favor to all those divers I may soon lead. They'll definitely have no trouble picking me out of a crowd now, eh? The looks I get from all the Thais are so worth the price of admission. "Wait, he's not Thai, wtf?!?" Damn tootin', I'm not Thai; whassup NYC!

In closing, a lesson for life. Swimming in the bath-warm ocean at night is wonderful. Mobile phones, however, do not enjoy swimming in salty water nearly as much as humans do. They tend to get unpleasantly (and non-functionally) crusty. Alas, another casualty of a careening drunken night. Au revoir phone, you served me well. My new phone has Thai letters above the English ones on each of the number keys. It's nuts!

Say hi to America for me, with heaping, steaming, non-crusty piles of love.

knee deep and rising

I can see the ocean from my room. Heck, I can see the ocean from my bed. When it's sunny, the water is blue and clear and you can see little tiny islands miles away. I wake up in the morning and look out and think, "Today, I'm going to cruise out to *that* one and see what's *underneath*." When it's overcast, the ocean's sort of green and dismal, but hey, it's still the ocean and some damn fun to play in.

The food is delicious. I've been eating gorgeous Thai food every meal for less than $3 a pop. That's drinks and everything. I've tried scorpions ($.45) and grasshoppers ($.30 for a bag). I have not yet consumed anything that I couldn't identify, except for this weird deep-fried miniature frog thing. But I'm calling it a frog, so there, identified. Grasshoppers taste better than scorpions, which, to be honest, are a little too bitter for me. Noodle soups, curries, it's all just so irresistably good. In fact, after I finish writing this, I'm gonna go get some. And maybe a beer ($.90).

Muay Thai (Thai kickboxing) is serious. There's a bar here where they have nightly matches, and they do not mess around. I saw a guy get kicked in the head so hard, he was fully horizontal before gravity had a chance to take over and he started dropping to the mat. Ong Bak in real technicolor life. And before you even ask, no, I am not going to take lessons. That shit is way too hardcore here. They have whole new levels of violence that we don't have words for in English. I'll stick to playing with fishies. Speaking of fishies...

The diving is fun and challenging. I've done a crapload of courses since I've been here; some have kicked my ass and made me feel like a superhero at the same time. I just earned my Master Scuba Diver rating; I am fully qualified to search for and rescue you if you're unconscious at the bottom of the sea. Lifeguards? Heh, wusses. Try finding a lost diver in the middle of the ocean (it's a big place), bringing them up from 40 meters (that's the same height/depth as a thirteen floor building) without getting bent (ouch), and towing them and their fifty pounds of gear back to the boat in three foot choppy waves. I, as rescuer, am at no point allowed to drown. Oh yeah, let's not forget the CPR and first aid and 100% pure oxygen (can you say fire hazard? on a boat?) and defribrillators (large amounts of electricity are exactly what we need near the pure oxygen. "No, it's okay ma'am, I'm a trained professional") once back on board. See what I mean about having a course work me over while still feeling like Batman? Nice. I've got a wreck course tomorrow to get wreck penetration certification. And then I'll be able to save you if you're lost at the bottom of the ocean, unconscious, and *inside* a frickin sunken pirate ship (yes, only pirate ships :) ). All in all, I think it would not be a reach to say things have been fairly sweet so far.

It's not all hugs and puppies though. Other than the 90 degree F water temperature at depth (imagine the air temp if the water is 90 degs), the diving conditions here are probably the worst I've even seen: low visibility and crazy, unpredictable currents. Sometimes you'll be swimming along happily when an underwater sand storm comes out of nowhere, engulfs you, and tries it's very best to introduce you to Davy Jones. On the flip side, I feel like it's the perfect training ground, since I'm getting to be a seriously ninja diver. Hiyaa! Take that, foul sand storm! You'll never defeat me and my trusty utility belt! Now where did I put that Bat-shark-repellent?

The wildlife is vivid and completely different than the western hemisphere. I've seen a dozen types of coral I've never seen before, and countless new fish and sea animals. Like clownfish living in sea anemones. I found Nemo! So cute! They play with you like "What is this weird thing blowing bubbles? I should investigate!" Even the land flora and fauna are different. There are trees, yes, trees, that are totally different. I've been to North, Central, and South America, and I ain't never seen trees like this. I am fully convinced that this is awesome.

So, overall, life is pretty good. I like to say that any day out on the ocean is a good day. Diving, swimming, cloudy, choppy, sunny, whatever. Any day on the ocean is a good day. Lately, I've been having a lot of good days.

I miss you all like I'd miss my own damn limbs.